Nonstandard English: It’s a Whole ‘Nother Thing

The Broadway musical Company by Stephen Sondheim features a song, “You Could Drive a Person Crazy,” performed by a trio, Kathy, April, and Marta. Each of them has a relationship with the leading character, Bobby. They sing—and dance—about the ways Bobby constantly leaves them hanging, leads them on, drops off the face of the earth, and generally spins their heads around trying to guess his next move. As the title says, he drives them crazy.

Everybody has something that drives them up the wall, that one thing that sets their teeth on edge. Sometimes it is a sound, like the clinking of a spoon on a dish from an almost-finished bowl of ice cream. For others, it is an out-of-position picture frame or a tag sticking out of a shirt collar. Often, that thing akin to nails on a chalkboard bothers nobody else. We may lash out verbally, make adjustments, or beg the culprit to stop, but, in general, we don’t join together in a jaunty tune with choreography. Well, perhaps you don’t…

The phrase that drives my husband crazy is “a whole ‘nother.” It can be heard these days in many commonplace conversations, on the television news, in restaurants, stores—anywhere. It seems to be all the rage.

Examples experienced recently (the names have been changed to protect the innocent): 

Interviewer: Please describe the problem, Mr. Fernbersten. 
Mr. Fernbersten: It’s these kids riding their skateboards on the sidewalks! And the loud music? That’s a whole ‘nother story.

Or

Spouse: That was such a delicious dessert! I am full.
Spouse’s Spouse: Please stop me from eating a whole ‘nother one of those.

Or

Customer: I’m looking for the manager’s office.
Employee: That’s in a whole ‘nother building.

Or

Counter person: May I take your order?
Diner: I’ll take a #14 meal, a side of fries, and…oh, just make it a whole ‘nother #14 meal.

Or

Weather person: Hey, Louisiana, get ready for a whole ‘nother tropical storm!

He does not react when someone uses it in a conversation, but whenever he hears somebody use this phrase on a screen device or on the radio, my husband emphatically shouts at the source, “’A whole ‘nother’ is not a real phrase!!!!” In cases where he does not choose to berate the screened speaker, our children ask, “What’s wrong, Dad? Are you okay? Aren’t you going to correct them?” And then we give him chocolate. It helps.

Words and Phrases that Evoke Tinfoil on Metal Fillings for Me

One word that triggers a “Stop!” response from me when I hear it or read it is irregardless. The standard word is regardless. It means despite everything. The prefix ir- means no or not. Tacking it onto the beginning of a word turns it into the antonym of the root word. So, when people use the term irregardless, they are actually saying the opposite of what they mean. “Convoluted!” you say? Exactly how my stomach feels when I hear or read it.

Another example is prah’ly. One of my favorite humans in the world has always said prah’ly for the word probably. Until recently I thought he alone used it, but no! Lo and behold, a news anchor on a major network recently said it, and a character in a novel thus spake. Granted, using prah’ly suited the story character, but the news anchor’s use caused me to emulate my husband’s response to “a whole ‘nother.” 

Then there is supposably instead of supposedly, and…no, I must stop. 

A Whole ‘Nother Thing We Can Anticipate

Language is constantly evolving. Many English words have become obsolete as new vocabulary creeps into our daily exchanges. I, for one, miss being understood when complaining about my elflocks (tangled up hair) or when mentioning the curmurring of my empty stomach. But these words are no longer in common usage, and they would probably drive someone else nuts were I to use them in a conversation. Not that I do. Much.

“A whole ‘nother” is but one grammatically incorrect phrase that has crept into the English lexicon and is rapidly becoming an acceptable turn of phrase—for everyone except my husband. His concern is that soon it will be considered acceptable language and he will find it published in the—GASP!—dictionary in its “nonstandard words” category. 

According to the good old Dictionary by Merriam-Webster, “nonstandard” means “not conforming in pronunciation, grammatical construction, idiom, or word choice to the usage generally characteristic of educated native speakers of a language.” My personal trigger word irregardless has been part of the MW Unabridged “nonstandard words” collection since 1934. Funnily enough, its definition is regardless.

Every three months, the grand pooh bah of acceptable English, the mother ship of her Majesty’s main language, a.k.a. the Oxford English Dictionary, determines which “nonstandard” words and phrases will be granted membership. Four times a year, the OED updates the English lexicon of “words, senses, and sub-entries” to keep up with the changing nature of language. In 2016, the OED added (among others) ‘Merica, Oompa Loompa, kiss cam, and fuhgeddaboudit, thus simultaneously immortalizing a well-worn country music moniker for the United States, Willy Wonka’s pals, stadium big-screen antics, and Tony Soprano. Fine company indeed.

The Closing Number

So, fair warning and sit down, honey, because it’s very possible that your favorite phrase may someday be deemed popular enough to be included in the high fountains of righteous English language. And that prah’ly and supposably would be a whole ‘nother thing to drive you crazy enough to sing and dance about it. 

What “nonstandard” words drive you a little bit crazy? Drop me a line and share your stories at me@nancyproofed.com.